I am not the priestess of calmness, all light – all the time, nor divine perfection, or sweet all the time, 😄 I am human. I get triggered, angry, sad, tired. I swear a lot, fuck is my favorite curse word 😍 I say it way too much. or, maybe not enough. I won’t pretend to be holy holy holier than thee. I am all these things: sweet, kind, healer, artist, grouchy, emotional, passionate and at times foul mouthed. But that doesn’t make me any less powerful as a healer and teacher. I can be a lot of things but above all I am human. human as fuck, lol.

When you get me you get real me. messy raw me. Maybe it’s my gemni moon but I like to joke I’m perfectly sweet on one side and a ghetto foul mouth bitch on the other side… Now normally the world sees sweet me. But, people I love see the rawness and anger of me. I’d like to change that.

I am coming out of my closeted image of #cutsey, #demure, lol. As humans we are so much raw emotion and we ride the wave daily.

I think
the third side of the coin is my best side.

The side that can roll with the flow and not get stuck flat: flowing. moving. evolving. That’s where I try to live. Embody all of me. The best parts of all of me are flowing-I am always learning and growing and evolving.

I have been super sensitive to criticism in the past, but I now see it as an opportunity to pause and reflect. It shines a light on where I am activating the old, and I’m grateful for it.

I have to work on breathing into that heart trigger reactivity when I feel judged or unappreciated or a lack of respect. So much hurt pops up, and lately, I just love it with open arms.I love me a bit more day by day. Messy hair, not – flat belly, a wrinkle here, a gray hair there.

Man, I wished I loved harder on my self when I was young. I was down right mean to my 20 year old self. Never good enough.

Not now. I gotta love me. Be kind to me and most definitely BE ME. This is why I came here, to learn how to love me. It’s hard.

what the fuk is WRONG with you!?’

was said 27 times… by me to me… could be more…. I have got to be nicer to myself!

Sometimes being self-aware isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, ya know!? 🙄 🤣

Listening to your thoughts, trying to understand them and talk back.

‘Paige, you are okay
It’s okay. BREATHE’

And I do. Breathe….

20 years ago I did not have that wisdom
– I just let that mean ass judgemental voice go to town on me. Tear me down.

Now, I listen, and respond “No thank you… why you say that? … I am okay.”

Affirmations are good medicine.

Replacing that shit show negative talk with the TOOLS of healing and coaching I’ve learned. they work because I am my best client!!

I’ve been taking an active role in healing my stuff. It’s constant work. Rewiring my brain from negative to loving.

Isn’t it crazy to think, that when we actually pay attention to our thoughts, what we become aware of? We see our own worst enemy is often ourselves.

I struggle with slowing down. When my body and brain dead tired, I have a really difficult time honoring that without self-judgement attached. Because it seems like it happens once a month, mostly surrounding my bleed – and I fight the pull to surrender to what my body is needing. But now in this odd way I am aware what a blessing my time of the month is – for this too shall pass. Each cycke now I celebrate

“Yay. Still here” .

Here for me to help tesch me, Like an old Friend….teach me how to rest and heal and trust my intuition.

So right now I am trying to cherish my body. Listen to it. Honor it.

and it’s such a double edged sword, because sometimes it’s DAYYYYYYS before I feel like myself.

I have random traveling pain spots, that are hormonal in nature, that I also know could be alleviated for the most part by adjustments to my self-care:

something ELSE that I find myself struggling with is making time for self care….

more sleep
less screen time
more movement
more hydration
more nourishing food consumption

The unfortunate result of me berating, insulting & being down right cruel to me is I loose touch with the wonder of who I am… and forget to love myself more then anybody else. Ai can’t make my husband or children or family love me. Especially if I can’t love myself. Why would they love a mean grouchy tyrant who yells all the time? I know I don’t.

So back to basics I will go.
Back to bringing conscious awareness to my heart and to my thoughts. Back to changing the habits of mind that created the situation I find myself in.

Back to changing my mind – in order to create a new one.

Back to loving me, unconditionaly. ♥️

I love myself. I am flawed and also divine. I will always aim for compassion and kindness and I forgive quickly because life is short.

And,

I’m not for everyone, and that’s as it should be. I dont want to pretend to be perfection when I am not. If you expect perfection from me, we are not a match. But, I’m sending you love and light and peace regardless ❤️